The Ninth Post

First let me say that, despite all of what is to follow here, this trip to Nairobi has been lots of fun and I dig the city. It's much more than the most dangerous city in Africa (perhaps not counting Mogadishu).

I came here to the national capital to do the safari that we get as an add-on to our volunteer program. We needed to spend a night in Nairobi at the start and the end of the safari. Before coming to Kenya I had heard horror stories about Nairobi, and we had also been warned away from it by our organisation, so I had resolved to spend as little time here as possible. When my flight arrived my first day in Kenya, I was most displeased to learn that I had to walk across a carpark between the international and domestic terminals so I could catch my domestic flight. I was on the lookout for muggers/hoodlums/international terrorists all the way across. Mercifully, they spared me on that occasion. After a month in Kenya that attitude now seems ridiculous to me (as I suppose it does to anyone reading this, even if you haven't been to Nairobi at all - it was a little over-the-top I admit).

Having had a bit of experience of the country now, Kenya no longer holds any real demons. So when it came time to book the safari, it seemed like a great opportunity to check out the Nairobi. We extended our stay here for a couple of nights so we could do that. Timing was good because one of our fellow volunteers was finishing up her program and was coming in to Nairobi at the same time to catch her flight home. So we decided to set up a massive farewell dinner at Nairobi's famous meat-themed restaurant Carnivore, where all kinds of delicious meat is barbecued over hot coals and served up on swords (man grunt).

So yeah, safari was great (although we only saw three of the big five - stupid rhinos and stupid cheetahs were hiding from us), hostel is possibly (no shiz) the best I have ever stayed in, we've had some really good nights and met some great people.

Now, let me tell you all the things that have gone wrong. Even for me, I feel this is quite an impressive list.

Problem 1: We fly to Nairobi. I leave the book I was reading on the plane.

Problems 2 and 3: My camera's memory card had suddenly stopped working the week before we left for Nairobi, and I couldn't find a shop that sold ones that fit my camera. So I was looking at going on safari without a camera. Great. Also, I've been having major dramas trying to get a SIM card that works properly. I've now bought four SIM cards, all of which have had some kind of flaw. The latest one was giving me a message 'SIM not active.' But there were no instructions on how to activate it. So the plan was to spend the first afternoon in Nairobi looking for the right camera memory card and either getting the SIM activated or buying a fifth one.

When we arrived in Nairobi, things got really eerie - we got off the bus in town, walked about five metres and found a camera shop. We gave them a try and they had the right card! AND it was in stock AND when I tested it in my camera, it worked! Amazing. We walked out of the camera shop and, lo and behold, there is a phone shop almost next door. They fix the SIM in a couple of minutes! Walking out of the phone shop, I start to feel that things have gone just a little too well. A sense of foreboding comes over me - are we going to get mugged now or something?

No, although we do get scammed shortly after (see problem 4 below). We head off on safari and the memory card continues to work fine.

Ah. But.

Day two of the safari, life gives me a little tap on the shoulder to remind me that modern cameras need two essential accessories in order to work: a memory card; and a battery. The battery, of course, goes flat - and who's forgotten to bring his charger with him? So I succeed in going on safari without a camera in the end. I knew it was too good to be true.

Problem 4: The scam. Walking in central Nairobi, a nice guy starts chatting to us about where we're from, etc. He's a medical student at the university just up the road. They're having a day of action to improve access for disabled students. We're looking for an adapter so we can charge our phones and cameras, so he takes us to a few electronics shops until he finds one that has what we need, bargains the price down for us and everything. Then, would we like to see the uni? It's very nice. Sure we say. Making conversation, I ask him if he's doing anything for the day of action. Why, yes, as a matter of fact he is. He's collecting donations. Out comes a donation sheet where people have been putting their names and amounts down. He's been so nice, we feel like we have to give something. A lot of people have already donated - I fail to notice the significance of the fact that all the donors (suckers) are from Western countries - and, awkwardly, they have donated quite large amounts by Kenyan standards - 500 to 1000 shillings. Well, I don't want to donate a thousand (13 bucks or so), but I don't want to look like a tight arse either... I decide on 500. I know I have a 500 note somewhere, but it's buried in my money belt and I don't want to go digging around in there in front of this guy, so I'm blindly pulling notes out of my pants. They are all 1000 notes. Eventually he says, "Ah, just give a thousand - it's for the disabled!" Oh fine, I say, and hand it over. Kelly has done the same. That's when it becomes clear what's happening because as soon as he gets the money he says "Thanks bye!". Maybe he forgot he was going to show us the uni...

Problem 5: After the safari, we meet up with our fellow volunteers back in Nairobi. I call Carnivore to book our glorious farewell feast for that night. It's a Monday night but we have already confirmed that Carnivore is open 7 days a week, and virtually every night of the year.

Virtually every night. But not tonight. Tonight it's closed for a private function.

So what can we do? Everyone had their hearts set on this. I suggest plan B - we could go for lunch? People are up for it. It's about 11am and two of us have just eaten a full English breakfast, so it will need to be a late lunch, but ok. We ask for a reservation for the latest possible lunch sitting. Unfortunately for us, because they're closing early today that is 1.30pm. So we will just need to find some room between the bacon and sausage. And hey, we manage to have a good time in the end even though we perhaps eat a bit less meat than we might have at dinner. Still, that's probably a good thing.

Problem 6: We have an early flight back home the day after Carnivore. We get up on time, the hostel has booked us a cab, the cab comes on time, and off we go to the airport.

But it turns out they haven't allowed enough time to get through the Nairobi traffic. We miss the plane.


Life might be trying to tell me something, I don't know. But I don't care - I still like Nairobi.